You are what you allow yourself to be.
Written by Wally Amos
I used to blame others for the way I was. I was twelve when my mother and father divorced. I heard the fights and I knew they were not happy. Still, it was a shock when my mother told me one day that she and my father were going to separate and I was being sent to New York City to live with my Aunt Della. I wasn’t devastated. I understood that it wasn’t my fault and I moved on with my life.
Years later, I told myself that I failed in my own marriages because I had not had the kind of loving example as a child that I needed to make the commitment that marriage required. I told myself that I always wanted to keep the closeness with my sons that I lost with my own father when my parents divorced. Yet, I failed to keep that promise to myself or to them. I tried, but I was always busy on the road with the acts I was managing. It wasn’t my fault, you see.
It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that my failure to fully commit to my relationships was my own personal failure, not the result of a childhood trauma. No one forced me to fall short. I had allowed myself to be a disappointment because the grass was always greener on the other side of the street. While I greatly regret the consequences of my shortfallings, I know that they made me the man that I am today. I am still a work in progress. But I take responsibility for my own decisions. I wake up every morning, glad to be alive and aware that each day will be filled with as much happiness as I allow it to be. It’s entirely up to me.